I don't know what I want. Like, at all. It's very disconcerting. Aimless but productive, always grinding away at something. Some task. Some rabbit hole that ultimately goes nowhere. Over and over. Like a fractal of mundane excess, self-similar and sharp, but self consuming and lost. So lost.
What gives you purpose apart from productivity? What sparks joy? Sets your heart ablaze? Ever meditate?
I feel ya. And this liminality is a place I also spend a lot of time in. You might enjoy “the ritual of becoming” (something I put together years ago; free code hidden on homepage) https://www.cleverness.com/word
Is there something that you care about, deep down? A strong belief or feeling you have? Try to understand it, in its simplest and purest form. If you can understand it, it can become a foundation to build on top of.
i understand this feeling, sometimes it revisits when I’m off my practice or in-between projects. best of luck on quenching that feeling if it’s burdensome. ultimately, all we are really after is peace of mind, & it’s available at any moment, often hiding in the mundane
Try to write down 100 things you want. It's a really interesting journal exercise. Weird shit started popping up for me around 30 or 40. Really slowed down at 75. Last 10 were enlightening.
some of these responses are very lacking in empathy 🤨 gives me the ick. if you cannot show solidarity with someone’s distress in the human experience say nothing. because “thoughts and prayers” shit is part of the problem.
from your responses it sounds like you don’t want to want anything, so you’re on track and simultaneously it seems you’re not enthusiastic about the current state of affairs (“eh), so you do want something, which is some sort of change the wake is both ahead and behind the ship
Relatable. But I also feel like I know what to do, it's just too many things that I wanna do.
I feel ya, something I wrestle with. My take fwiw - in the grand scheme we are all meaningless, a speck on infinity, in the personal with those around us we are deeply meaningful. We have to chose our own purpose, and the people we give ourselves to. cont...
You know this one? https://waitbutwhy.com/2018/04/picking-career.html
Been there. Only thing to pull me out of that hole was love. It is nice to be able to devote oneself to someone else and find focus in that. We're ultimately monkeys meant to reproduce, no matter the abstractions we build to feel clever.
aimless but productive is somewhat relatable. i've been thinking lately that my choices for the past maybe decade seem connected by a coherent narrative to me, but i don't feel it that strongly anymore. it doesn't help either that i keep readjusting major life plans so often
Doing nothing is sometimes the best option It sounds like you may be in what Rick Rubin calls the "seed collecting phase" . A phase where you are experimenting, collecting inspiration (thru trial and error or otherwise) for the next big thing. Be open and receptive to the "signals" of the universe
Exactly in the same scenario. And I have to figure out how to make money too 😅